"Suicide Attempts"

I cry at night alone.
The tears saturate my pillow
and leak into my hairline,
creating this fuzzy,
mini-Afro headband in the morning.
I cry for you,
longing for you,
needing you,
missing you,
and here you are lying right next to me,
sleeping, with your back to me.
Yet, I cry for your affection.
I exhaust myself running after it.
Anything and everything you request,
from your subtle hints
to your bellowing demands,
I supply, crying all the while.
I dress myself for you;
cut just low enough,
split just high enough,
tight enough to be painted on,
heels high enough to be flying on,
face painted like Philadelphia murals,
body lit like Kwanzaa candles,
earrings and necklaces dangling like strange fruit.
Or, I heard you wanted me to be more conscious.
So I cut off my perm
and wrapped my breasts in sarongs
to cover the paw print tattoos I got for you,
and I washed my face
so the only thing you could see
were the footprints you left behind
after walking all over me.
I adorned myself
in beaded jewelry and brass bracelets
that cling louder than my inner voice
that's hoarse from screaming at myself,
but you are still asleep!
So, I walk by
and twist like to two-liter soda tops
and pivot on the dime, which I am,
and I flash a smile that shows my teeth, my gums,
and what I ate for breakfast,
but you can't see me
because you're holding hands with that bottle,
clenched so tight,
your hands are bleeding.
But, it's my blood
because you're squeezing the life in me.
Your drunken stupor
causes you to do things that you'll apologize for later.
You slap me with your infidelities,
you pummel my face with your indiscretions
and you squeeze my neck with your belligerence.
And so I hear you,
loud and clear.
Your messages are at least sincere.
Your devotion to your career
tells me that I'm not even close
to the top of your priority list.
I don't even make the "To Do" List,
but what's more is
I'm the one that built you up
to believe you could do the things you yearn for.
Your videos tell me
that I have to be naked all the time
for you to see the beauty in me.
My body is a twenty-four hour glass,
and you look right through me.
And, what are you doing with Becky?!
I mean I know love is blind,
but you must be too
because I'm doing everything I can
to make you see me.
Maybe, if I slit-this-wrist,
you'll start paying attention.
You'll start seeing what you've been missing.
You'll put that bottle down
and come home.
You'll see that I'm
what you're searching the world for
and come home.
You'll drop that white girl
and come home.
You'll stop me from crying at night alone.
Or at least...at least, you'll roll over.

"Suicide Attempts" © Black Girl. All rights reserved.

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Talitha “Black Girl” Coverson was born and raised in Atlanta, GA, July 20th 1980, but completed her high school career in Tampa, FL.

She has since received her B.S. in Business Administration with a minor in Theatre as a member of Florida A&M University's class of 2003, and is currently educating at the Sakkara Youth Institute Independent School in Tallahassee, FL.

She has always enjoyed public performance and writing as an outlet and an escape from the bitter monotony of life. Some of her favorite performers include the local storytellers and griots of her community as well as Nikki Giovanni, Maya Angelou and Toni Morrison.

As a striving actress, novelist, and playwright, she has participated in numerous theatrical productions. Some of her features include “A Raisin in the Sun” and “A History in Song” which she also produced.

As a writer she has also penned an anthology of poetry called “Black Girl Speaks” which is currently available and is also working to produce her second original play in the spring of 2005.

The performance will be a one-woman show featuring the various chronicles of the African woman, aptly entitled “Black Girl Speaks.”

Her latest ventures have also led her to tour throughout the Southeast as a guest speaker on various seminars and panel discussions including:

- “Everything you want to know about college life” seminar (University of Florida)

- “Sister Light, Sister Dark” seminar - Sponsored by National Council of Negro Women (FAMU Campus )

- “N*gger Mentality” a panel discussion forum dissecting the use of the word. Sponsored by Beta Alpha Chapter of AKA Sorority (FAMU Campus)

For booking and ordering information, please send request to amazing2sea@yahoo.com.

"Black Girl - Biographical Information." All rights reserved. © 2004